My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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