ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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