There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
