Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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