She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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