just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
