If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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