Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
