im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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