dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
