just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
