I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
