Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
