well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
