He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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