that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
farters have to be the big spoon...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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