Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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