I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
