so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
