Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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