I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
