he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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