the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
