were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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