this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
