I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
