my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
