I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
