You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
