oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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