I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
