this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
