Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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