God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
