You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
