This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
