Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
