Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
