sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
