There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
