No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
