And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
