What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
