Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
