like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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