It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
