I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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