He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
