I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
