I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
