I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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