can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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