He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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