Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
