You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
