Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
