Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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