Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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