I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
